On the heels of last week's series on unmet marriage needs, focusing on sex, I read two articles from two separate Christian magazines relating to this issue.
The first is from Christianity Today, reporting on a New York Times article on gay marriage and how many gay male partnerships are open relationships. As they point out in the article, this situation has ironically strengthened the endurance of the relationships. Again, I'm not advocating for open marriages, but the facts should make us think about our assumptions.
The second is from Relevant, discussing the idea of emotional pornography. I love the line the author wrote, stating "Just as there is sexual excitement surrounding the mystery and allure of what flesh might be seen in a movie known for its racy reputation, so too are we drawn in with an anticipation for the emotional and physical high of a romance film." I recommend you continue to read the article. It brings up some excellent points, including how emotionally relationships media often encourages can actually be counter-productive. I thought of Shakespeare in Love in particular...
People sometimes talk about visual porn and its problems by noting that the overly aerobicized, airbrushed, and surgically enhanced bodies in the centerfolds are very far removed from the realities of married life with an actual partner. After seeing the first "Twilight" movie last week (something I'll have to admit I've tried to avoid as long as possible but my wife “dragged me into it”) I came away with the impression that the fantasies it promotes are even more unrealistic that those generated by centerfolds.
ReplyDeleteI assume that most former centerfold models ultimately get married. OK, not without some baggage, but they move on. And some of them even live boring, suburban lives with rather ordinary husbands/spouses. On the other hand, none of the women I know ever managed to marry a vampire (or even a man with a chalky white face and too much mascara and lipstick-- guess I'm the wrong demographic to understand the appeal of the Twilight series). So I'd say that emotional porn can be at least as unrealistic as visual porn.
But does it wreck marriages? Does the magic of the romantic fantasy figure necessarily make an ordinary spouse seem even more dreary?
I think it can. But it's also possible that romantic fantasies sometimes help people cope with ordinary life and the routines and frustrations that it presents. Perhaps a brief mental vacation into the Twilight world or whatever fantasy works for them helps some people handle the dishes, bills, diapers, crab grass, and "accidents" the dog leaves on the carpet. Certainly people can go overboard and take it out on their non-vampire spouses who seem boring in comparison. But at times it may make people more content with real life rather than less. We all have longings of some type that we know real life won't provide.
My wife likes Twilight. And Barry Manilow (since I’m not diabetic I can survive a Barry concert without going into a sugar coma). I guess both could be called emotional porn. But I honestly don’t think that either of them hurt our marriage.
Cal