Clarifying Gender Identity

So, probably like a lot of you, my Facebook feed has been filled with various perspectives on bathrooms. Unfortunately, there is a lot of misinformation about various statuses related to what transgender really is. Much of it seems to be related to our sex-obsessed culture that seems to see sex in everything.

Gender identity simply has to do with whether someone identifies as male, female, both, or neither. When one's gender identity doesn't match their biological sex, that is when the term "transgender" starts to be used (although it's more complicated than that, as well, such as genderqueer, but we'll keep it simple here). Also, know that there are not necessarily just two genders--other cultures around the world have more than one gender that does not necessarily correlate to biological sex (Samoan culture is one good example).

To be clear, transgender has nothing to do with sexual orientation. People make this mistake a lot, likely in part because "T" is part of "LGBTQ," although it's one of the most misunderstood of the letters. Sexual orientation/sexuality has to do with who you are sexually attracted to.

People who identify as transgender can be considered heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, etc. The orientation is defined by their gender identity rather than their biological sex. And again, don't assume sexuality has anything to do with gender identity.

Transgenderism also is not the same thing as masculinity or femininity. These latter two concepts are related to cultural-specific expressions of gender. Masculine women and feminine men are not transgender. Again, biological females who have a masculine tendencies who still identify as women are still women. They're not transgender. And they're not necessarily lesbians. I've seen posts going around confusing masculinity/femininity with gender identity. They're not at all the same thing. Boys who play with dolls are not necessarily either gay or consider themselves to female. They're just expressing behaviors that our society labels as more feminine.

Transgenderism is not the same thing as transvestite or cross-dressing. Some people, for a variety of reasons, like to dress as the opposite gender at times. Despite the appearance, this has nothing to do with gender identity. It's closer to the masculinity/femininity discussion above. Cross-dressing also does not necessarily mean anything about sexual orientation. Biological men who are heterosexual sometimes dress as women. They never actually identify as a woman nor as gay.

It's interesting to pay attention to research on transgenderism. Discrepancy with one's gender usually starts very early and causes significant distress. More masculine or feminine expression doesn't solve it because it's not as much about expression as it is identity--being able to considered male or female. Transitioning to the other gender relieves that distress, which I think conveys something significant about how real it is. (Of course, we cannot understate that transitioning also adds a whole lot more due to societal non-acceptance. Transgender populations have one of the absolutely highest suicide rates because of this.)

I find it quite interesting that people of many faiths are increasingly able to accept non-heterosexual orientations, but are quick to reject transgenderism, which has to do with identity more than behavior. Morality is fundamentally about behavior rather than identity. Identify informs behavior, and when we have identity conflicts, bad things happen.

The only argument I've heard against transgenderism is that God creates everyone and doesn't make mistakes, so therefore transgenderism isn't "real." One only needs to scratch the surface of birth defects to undermine that argument, which is also extremely poor theology.

So if you're going to make arguments for or against policies and laws related to transgenderism, please be informed with fully accurate information. It's also important to listen to real people's stories and stop sexualizing everything. Accurate knowledge allows us to have adult conversations rather than promote ignorant fear mongering.

Offensive Supreme Court Same Sex Marriage Arguments

There are many opinions about the arguments in and around the Supreme Court review of same sex marriage. Two stuck out to me as particularly absurd and offensive, likely because they struck closer to home.

In one case, Michigan's special assistant attorney general, John Bursch, argued that a central reason for the state being interested in banning same sex marriage was to protect the bond of children to their biological parents. Does he mean that my bond to my son (who we adopted) is not as significant or as strong as if he were of my own biology?! The relationships some stepparents have with their stepchildren isn't relevant? There are so many situations where a child is not bonded with a biological parent, but is intensely and beautifully bonded to another someone else as their parent that this is incredibly offensive.

Sure, one would be hard pressed to argue that a child not being parented by both biological parents isn't ideal, but it's reality. But this kind of language perpetuates stigma and horrid stereotypes. Many of these "not ideal" relationships can be incredibly beautiful and meaningful (and more so than the "ideal" situations). No one had better ever tell me that my relationship with Brendan is "less than" in any way. And I know all of the adoptive families I know would feel the same way.

In a similar vein, I saw an image of a protestor with a sign that said, "Every child deserves a mother and a father." Again, one could argue that maintenance of the biological relationships might be ideal, but it's not reality, and signs like this dismiss the impressive parenting of many people. There are many reasons someone becomes a single parent, for instance. The children should not feel "less than" in any way because of stupid statements like this.

I'm shocked at the short sightedness of these kinds of arguments to the Supreme Court of all places! Do these people not realize their claims also undermine "traditional" marriage? These assertions are some of the most absurd statements. Maybe it just indicates some people are really just grasping for straws and aren't truly focused on the wellbeing and health of children and families everywhere...

Guest Post: Ashamed of Christian Intolerance

This is a guest post from my wife, who so eloquently commented on the World Vision debacle.

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I never post opinions about hot-button issues, but I’m so upset and ashamed with the way that some of my fellow Christians have been representing my faith lately that it’s really bugging me. My heart is hurting. Prepare to witness a rare Laci rant.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2014/march-web-only/world-vision-why-hiring-gay-christians-same-sex-marriage.html

Really?!? Thousands of Christians suddenly pulling funds that go to a STARVING CHILD because they don’t want gay Christians in a committed relationship working to help feed that child?!?? I’m embarrassed that World Vision was essentially bullied into reversing their (brave) policy. And that’s exactly what it was, bullying...threats of pulling funding unless they explicitly and publicly called out homosexuality as a sin, and said you can't work there if you disagree. Why did it have to go there? This is not about whether being gay is right or wrong. People missed the point completely. You can think it’s a sin and be a Christian, and you can think it’s not our place to judge and STILL be a Christian. That’s a whole separate issue that I’m not discussing here, it’s not relevant. They were not saying it was right or wrong, they were saying “let’s not be so divisive. There’s been a lot of hurt caused by this debate...we want to be an example in working together despite our differences and not discriminating.” Sexuality is not central to our faith, as much as many seem to think it is the be all end all. Very little of the Bible is devoted to that issue; far more is devoted to admonishing us to love others. Again and again. To forgive others. To love God. But that message gets lost in the stream of debates. So many are focusing on it, freaking out as if your view on it determines if you’re going to heaven or not, or that if gay marriage is allowed, it means heterosexual marriage is being torn apart or diminished. That’s just silly. My personal relationship with Jesus, as well as my relationship with my husband, is not threatened by anyone else’s relationship with whoever they love. And I believe that God cares far more about how I treat my fellow human beings than what I think about gay people. Why is this the main issue Christians today think they need to fight for?!? Why not focus on the things that really matter?

World Vision stated it so well in their first statement about it when they said “"Changing the employee conduct policy to allow someone in a same-sex marriage who is a professed believer in Jesus Christ to work for us makes our policy more consistent with our practice on other divisive issues," he said. "It also allows us to treat all of our employees the same way: abstinence outside of marriage, and fidelity within marriage." Bravo! Many denominations and respected Christian leaders are divided on that issue, so they decided it was best to not formally take a side and instead try and unite Christians to work together despite their differences. There are many other issues that are not anywhere close to being the difference between salvation or not. (Imagine their job interviews if it continues like this...”Were you baptized by dunking or sprinkling? Does your church use a rock guitar in their worship service? Yes? Oh, sorry, guess you can’t work here, our policy says you’re not a real Christian, so you’re not fit to distribute food to the hungry.”) World Vision also has stated they will not take a formal stance on things like divorce/remarriage, evolution or female pastors, as it should be...there’s disagreement on those, and Christians on both sides of the issue that both have convincing arguments. They know that they are a company that represents Christianity as a whole, not one particular view of Christianity, and that ultimately, those issues should be discussed at a church level. It’s not like they are God handing down a declaration of what is counted as Christianity. We all like to think that only our denomination is the right one with all the answers, but it's simply not true.

But instead of inspiring unity World Vision was shown that fear of homosexuality outweighs a lot of Christian’s desires to help the poor and hungry. They just couldn’t support an organization that might work alongside those that Jesus himself would probably welcome. I feel like homosexuals are the lepers of today...people who Christians are afraid to touch, afraid to show compassion to for fear of getting “infected.” Sometimes I’m outraged at how so many Christians put “calling out sin” above “love your neighbor.” It’s just Not. As. Important. Telling someone they’re a sinner rarely endears them to Christianity. We all know that already. But I saw a lot of formerly skeptical atheists give a nod to World Vision’s initial decision and how they were impressed at their openness. I bet they’re doubly turned away now, hearing the new decision. How many of those who might have embraced Jesus are now forever hardened against the church because of how they are seeing Christians behave in this situation? We claim to be loving and then we go and abandon an already struggling child because our ideas were challenged. It saddened me greatly hearing World Vision recant something that just yesterday I viewed as a step in the right direction of loving and recognizing our fellow human beings the way we are supposed to as Christians.

I have to restate, this is not a debate about whether being gay is a sin or not. I’m not going there, let’s not debate that. It is the fact that Christians were so fast to immediately drop over 2,000 children that they sponsored just because World Vision said they would not take a hard stance. Church leaders even told their members to pull their funds. That is wrong on every level. We should be ashamed that the world is seeing Christians in that light. If you disagree with the policy that much, fine, at least finish out the year and don’t renew again, go support another charitable organization. But don’t abruptly stop supporting someone who relies on you, in a spoiled fit to prove that you hold the power.

I think I’m going to go sponsor a child now. If you agree with me that Christianity is more than political stances and religious rules, please consider doing the same.

Faith, Gender Identity, and Suicide @DavidOlson11

Back in November, one of our local freeway interchanges was shut down after a man suicided by jumping off the overpass. I recently discovered that man was a transgendered woman, Kaylee Johnson, who also struggled with her faith because of gender identity issues. David Olson's article about Johnson stated:

Johnson had a hard time reconciling her faith in God with her gender identity, after leaving the Mormon faith she grew up with and relied on for support, because she didn’t feel accepted by the church. 

She was stung by rejection from people she loved and whose acceptance she desperately wanted, especially some members of her family, Chambers said.

I didn't know Johnson, so I can't speak to what influenced this final attempt. But as Olson's article states, many transgendered people struggle with faith and consider or attempt suicide. A lot of focus has been on the impact of religion on homosexuality and suicide, as I've written about before. While this awareness is wonderful, anyone familiar with LGBT issues know the T usually gets the least attention. And those falling in the T category are often even more misunderstood than non-heterosexual orientation. Greater misunderstanding=greater persecution.

Regardless of one's beliefs on LGBT issues, I hope all can agree that suicide is tragic and not a desirable outcome. Everyone, especially those of us from faith communities, need to act in ways that prevent such destruction, not contribute to it. People of the Christian faith need to remember that Jesus loved, supported, valued, and spent almost all of his time with the people who were misunderstood, rejected, and devalued. That sort of action positively changed lives, unlike the condemning and criticizing and judging of the Pharisees.

We have the opportunity to literally save people's lives by how we treat them. And even for those who value the next life more than the current one--we can't save someone if they're dead. So please, remember our faith-based priorities when encountering those who are different from and those we don't understand. It could be the difference between life and death. Literally.

Celibate Homosexuality & Other Romance

Yesterday's post on unnatural things not necessarily being sinful could obviously apply to homosexuality. Plenty of Christians state homosexuality is both unnatural and sinful. There are many statements of faith and behavioral contracts that state all sexual activity must exist only within the confines of a heterosexual marriage.

From this perspective, would it be acceptable for two men or two women who are in love to be in a celibate relationship?

Could a man and a woman live together out of wedlock while not engaging in any sexual activity?

If the sin is sex and we remove the sex, is the problem solved?

It Gets Better: Christianity, Homosexuality, & Suicide @ItGetsBetter #itgetsbetter

Homosexuality is a hot topic politically and religiously. It leads to heated debates and high emotions. Those debates and emotions can also lead to condemnation (and the Bible tells us not to condemn). As a psychologist, I have seen the effects of condemnation from other people in a variety of settings. It never turns out well. It is not a motivator.


As many people have heard, there has been increased attention to suicides by gay youth. For those of us in Southern California and even the conservative Inland Empire, this occurs here.


I primarily work with children, ages 8-13, in inpatient, partial hospitalization, and intensive outpatient programs. That means they are seen at a minimum 6 hours per week. Pretty intensive stuff, meaning they are dealing with pretty intensive issues. Even at that young of an age, I have seen kids who are in therapy because of the way other kids have treated them because of assumptions that they were gay.


One child in particular denied he was gay, but was teased because he was more effeminate than most others his age. Granted, some could argue this kid is in an early stage of homosexual identity development, but the point is the bullying and condemnation does not occur just those who are "out" or who are even necessarily gay.


Regardless of what one believes about the homosexuality being a choice or one's nature or sinful or normal, I would hope we can all agree that anyone committing suicide, contemplating suicide, or self-injuring is a tragedy. It's a particular tragedy when the whole process is so preventable. Remove the condemnation, and depression and suicide rates will drop.


In John 10:10, Jesus asserts, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" or "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." By participating in bullying and condemnation, we are participating in Satan's work of stealing, killing, and destroying, often quite literally.


Religion Dispatches recently posted an opinion piece about how American Christians are a central cause of homosexual suicides. It was for this reason that Jim Swilley of Church in the Now in Georgia came out as gay in November. Contrary to some reports, he was not seeking support of himself (he actually had hidden his sexual orientation for decades). Rather, he came out to emphasize to non-straight youth that life is not over by having a non-heterosexual sexual orientation.


There will, of course, be debate about how that will look in real life. However, the first step we all need to take in preventing suicide in gay youth and everyone in general is stop condemning. It Gets Better is a new organization aimed at proclaiming to LGBTQ youth that they do not need to commit suicide because despite whatever difficulties are going on right now, life will get better.


Life is difficult for everyone. We all face trying circumstances, tragedies, and traumas. When we condemn one another, particularly in times of struggle, we often condemn one another to literal death. For the true love of God and Christ, please remember to love people and remind everyone that it gets better.

Jennifer Knapp Follow-Up

This is a really interesting interview Jennifer did with Relevant Magazine that follows-up on some of the controversy surrounding her coming out to the world as gay.

I again really appreciate her focus on relationship and the need for people to really struggle with their struggles, theology, spirituality, faith, decisions, and relationships.

Homosexuality

This blog is focused on trying to engage the struggles and questions we face throughout life, pursuing the answers, but not necessitating that we have firm answers. This article on recent films relating to homosexuality seems to do exactly that: Struggling with questions. So I thought it would be worth sharing it. Anyone seen any of these films?