Priorities

Having a toddler and infant can be... exasperating at times. But then you see the smiles, the hugs, and the kisses.

This weekend, the little ones reminded us of priorities in life.

We went to the LA Times Festival of Books, where a heavy downpour started. As everyone ran under tents, the toddler promptly ran into the middle of it, face to the sky, with the happiest look ever, tongue out, dancing in the rain (and puddles). Our first reaction was, ugh, he's going to be soaked, dirty (etc., etc.). But then we noticed his joy (and the joy he brought to others around him). Water dries, and clothes can be washed.

Sometimes it's worth getting wet to be able to dance in the rain.

And then on the way to church, it was a very overcast today. We were rushing (as usual) and got on the freeway. As we change freeways, the toddler exclaims, "Oh my gosh! There's clouds! Look at the clouds out your window! And there's clouds on my window, too!!"

Don't just stop to smell the roses. Clouds can be pretty cool, too.

At the Festival of Books, we got to hear a talk by Buzz Aldrin and then get a book signed by him (yeah, that was pretty cool). My toddler and I listened to 40 minutes from someone who walked on the moon, so lots of stories, right? Well, the interviewer at one point asked Aldrin how one pees in space, and he talks about a UCD (urine collection device), and how it's important to empty it. He tells how he sees Neil Armstrong successfully walking on the moon surface, not sinking or anything bad. So Aldrin decides before he goes down the ladder, it would probably be good to, um, empty his UCD. The interviewer says, "So while Neil is taking one giant leap for mankind..." Aldrin finished, "I peed in my pants." Everyone laughs, and Brendan looks up at me with a smile and says, "He peed in his pants?!"

Be careful what you say. Little ones (and adults) will not always remember what you want them to remember.

The kingdom of heaven truly belongs to the children...

Children's Spirituality Lecture This Wednesday

I'm doing a lecture this Wednesday, December 1, 2010, entitled Exploring Children's Spirituality, for the Grand Rounds of Loma Linda University's Department of Psychiatry. If you're interested in attending, it's at 11AM at 1686 Barton Road, Redlands, CA 92373.

Learning from the Children @ERBks

This review originally appeared on the Englewood Review of Books and was made possible by a complimentary copy from the publisher.

As a child psychologist with a particular passion and speciality in spirituality, particularly spiritual formation, I was very excited to review Catherine Stonehouse and Scottie May’s Listening to Children on the Spiritual Journey. This book discusses the results from multiple projects exploring childhood Christian spirituality. Before thinking it may be boring, allow me to assure you that it’s not. While it could definitely be used in an academic setting (the publishing house emphasizes that), it really is meant for laity, not academics.

I recently began a spirituality group as part of my organization’s child partial hospitalization program for psychiatric problems. This book was helpful in developing some activities to initiate discussion on spiritual topics. However, it really is meant for a parents and church-based ministries rather than therapists. And it is focused on Christian spirituality. So if you’re looking for ways to explore the spirituality of atheist children, this book is probably not what you’re looking for (although I would also argue it’s techniques could be altered for the appropriate spiritual context).

Stonehouse and May begin their tome by beautifully introducing their passion for developing child spirituality and discussing their research methodology. It’s detailed enough to moderately satisfy those of us with a critical eye on methodology (their more detailed appendix helps), but does not get bogged down in academic technicalities so as to lose readers of the intended audience. They then wisely move into beginning to tell some of the stories of kids’ responses to various prompts. I think it was wise for them to begin this way because it emphasizes that children can and do talk about deep spiritual concepts… when given the opportunity. I can vouch for this in the groups I have run. In fact, as I discussed on my blog, I think children are just as sophisticated as many adults. What often seems to happen is that we, as a society, do not develop children’s spiritualities, so as adults, we are essentially stunted at the childhood developmental level.

Stonehouse and May do not make this argument, but I saw continued evidence for this as I read the stories. The child participants are often more willing to ask questions than most adults. They are also able to more vibrantly verbalize their experiences with God and Christ. In fact, their desire to truly be with God far surpasses the desire of most adults I know (including myself).

From this foundation, they continue to tell stories, weaving in various techniques to stimulate spiritual discussion and also challenge children to grow. These are the techniques that are both useful for research and are incredibly practical for use in homes, churches, youth groups, schools, etc. At the core of many of the practices is a concept of reflective engagement, the idea of letting the children meditate and contemplate spiritual ideas for themselves. Some are done with others, some individually. While some people may think children may not be able to do this, Stonehouse and May’s anecdotes passionately prove otherwise.

While this book is intended to help people develop children’s spirituality, I think it has just as much potential (if not more potential) to help form adult’s spirituality. In fact, several of the reflective engagement practices are conducted with the whole family or in dialogue with adults. It is meant to let everyone experience God together, in a true corporate worship experience. And then seeing the innocent and pure love of Christ cannot not affect the adult hearts that have been hardened by cynicism, pain, and suffering. Truly, we will learn from the children.

Faith of a Child

Yesterday, Cal graciously share a post he wrote about churches matching people with Jesus and then doing very little after that.

One of the things I have noticed is that many sermons really are not very deep nor challenging. Granted, the speaker has to cater to a very wide audience, but there is a thing as being too basic.

Changing the subject (but coming back), I've recently been able to start running a spirituality group with some of the kids in our partial hospitalization program. The age range I get is 7-13, and it's amazing what these kids say and understand when we give them the chance to talk.

At first, I was saying that they understand theology and faith as well as adults. Truly, the conversations we have in that group are as sophisticated as that of most adult spirituality conversations. However, I think the more appropriate way of looking at it is that most adults are functioning at the theological level of a child.

Adults should have a greater (meaning deeper and more complex) understanding of theology. However, they don't. They're still operating with what they learned in Sunday school. After they grow out of Sunday school, they just sit with the Sunday morning sermon, which doesn't teach anything meaningful. And even Bible studies are not particularly complex usually.

Interestingly, the kids are much more flexible in their thinking. They are willing to engage in conservations about doubt and religious diversity. And their willingness to do so is much less so than adults. They are also much less judgmental of others' struggles and beliefs than their adult counterparts.

I think this may happen because as we get older, we often get more arrogant. As adults, we supposedly know more than the kids, so what we know is definitely right. However, we, in truth, know no more about theology, God, and the Bible than most of the kids in my group.

There are, of course, exceptions. However, I do find it interesting that the kids are able to understand complicated concepts like God image, doubt, and religious diversity better than most adults and are definitely more willing to engage those topics.

How does affect the idea of "faith like a child?"