The Destructive Power of Shame @TBBMediaGroup @ccef @newgrowthpress

Shame is something that is discussed in a therapeutic context frequently because of its constant presence in the lives of those who seek therapy. I've written about shame before, differentiating it from guilt as the latter saying, "I did bad" while shame says, "I am bad." Shame pervades people's identities, creating a sense of worthlessness and rejection.

In Shame Interrupted, Ed Welch, a psychologist, addresses the topic of shame head-on. The first few chapters paint a very real and in-depth picture of the potency of shame and its effects in daily life. Welch then proceeds to illustrate the history of shame throughout the Bible.

I was very impressed with Welch's psychological and theological treatment of such a sensitive, hidden, and pervasive topic. He brings to life the impact of shame and the power of Christ over shame. However, he doesn't argue for a simple, "Have faith, and you'll be healed approach." Rather, he actually stated, "The most promising response is that Jesus loves you, which is certainly true. But, believe it or not, that usually doesn't work either" (p. 61). Earlier on, he explains why recognizing Christ's love doesn't instantly heal shame: "When you receive such reproach from the community, you can easily believe that God himself joins these many voices, though he certainly does not" (p. 21).

Many Christians minimize the impact they have on people's perceptions of God, good and bad. However, our interactions with others can become the foundations of people's experiences of God. We literally need to be the hands and feet of Jesus, incarnating God's love to those around us.

While there were times when Welch said it was appropriate to feel shame (I'm not sure I agree--I think it's normal, but not really accurate), he also made it clear that these messages are not from God. God does not shame. Many Christians need to hear this message and remember that shame is not a motivator and does not lead people to God. Rather, it leads them to hiding (remember Adam and Eve?). Ironically, one of the most shame-enhancing pastors in the US, Mark Driscoll, endorsed this book.

Shame Interrupted reminded me of Bruce Narramore's No Condemnation, which addresses a similar concept, arguing that God never condemns people, but seeks restoration from human-made condemnation. However, Narramore's tome was more of an academic text. Welch's book stands up to strong academic scrutiny, but is more of a popular press book, making it far more accessible to the general population, which is really needed.

If you're interested in the topic of shame, this is a good introduction to understanding its power and pervasiveness. It doesn't provide strong solutions, but there are a variety of psychological texts that address the treatment of shame. I think one of the most powerful and important parts of this book is not minimizing the potency of shame and recognizing that its resolution is not simple.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Confession

The word confession can bring up a lot of feelings in people, often negative ones. That's usually because it's associated with sin. I most frequently hear people use the term confession to be synonymous with saying something they've done wrong.

However, that is not always true. While to confess can be to acknowledge one's sins, it can also mean to acknowledge and profess one's faith or beliefs (don't believe me, here's some definitions). This is actually how the term was used quite frequently in early church writings.

These uses actually work quite well together. We can confess a sin while confess our faith. However, in society today, we focus on the first half, usually associated with shame. We like to tear ourselves and others down. God gives us the opportunity to build ourselves and each other back up through a confession of faith.

What would happen if we started using the term confession to emphasize the building up of people rather than their tearing down? How does this affect our theology when approaching the concept of confession?

Shame and Guilt

One of the things I mentioned in the last post was that shame can be an underlying emotion of anger. Shame is a powerful feeling in our society, and it motivates us in a variety of ways. I would say that shame is always bad. But shouldn't we feel ashamed when we do something bad? No, we should feel guilt, not shame.

In the field of psychology, we generally distinguish between these two terms. Guilt says, "I did something bad." Shame says, "I am bad." That can appear like a subtle difference, but it is actually huge. Guilt comments on our actions and behaviors, but shame comments on our identities, who we are. And it comments negatively, tearing us down, making us worthless.

Bad theology may say that God thinks we are worthless, but good theology promotes the eternal, infinite value in people. Bruce Narramore made an excellent biblical, theological, and psychological argument against using shame and condemnation as a motivational tool. As my undergrad pastor stated, all people are "made and loved by God."

Viewing ourselves and others that way will radically change our outlook on life, the world, and relationships. We can feel "Godly sorrow" for something we did, but that does not mean we are worthless. And because someone else did something wrong, that does not mean they are worthless. In fact, particularly because of Christ's sacrifice, despite all of these actions, we are all infinitely valuable.

Take a moment and think about a person with whom you have had a conflict. Or someone you dislike. Imagine them. What are you feeling toward them? Now say, "___ is made and loved by God." Repeat that. What do you notice about your feelings? Anything? I wonder what would happen if we approached all conflicts with this perspective?